escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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