Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
