mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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