Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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