smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also, beer. Big fan.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
