you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
