I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The air taste purple.
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