God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
