just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
