Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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