So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
