her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this just has baby written all over it
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
