I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
