tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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