mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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