accomplished twins. life is a go
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Less talking, more tequila
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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