i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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