Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
