i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
