apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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