Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
