I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
