Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
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