Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
