never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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