My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
