Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
