I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
