I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
