Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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