Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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