that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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