Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
