Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
