You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
