Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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