The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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