Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
