He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
