Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
