dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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