mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
