Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my phone needs a breathalizer
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
