'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
