I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think i got beer on your cat.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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