I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
