Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
