I wannas sexs uuuuu
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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