I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
