Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
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