So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
