we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
