This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
