Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
